scribbles of life quotes

Long Distance

2009-05-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

There`s only so many songs that i can sing to pass the time.
And i`m running out of things to do to get you off my mind (oh whoa).
All i have is this picture in a frame (oh ah),
That i hold close to see your face everyday.

With you is where i`d rather be,
But we`re stuck where we are.
It`s so hard, you`re so far..
This long distance is killing me.
I wish that you are here with me,
But we`re stuck where we are
It`s so hard, you`re so far.. (so hard, you`re so far..)
This long distance is killing me.

It`s so hard, it`s so hard, where we are, where we are, you`re so far.
This long distance is killing me.
It`s so hard, it`s so hard, where we are, where we are, you`re so far
(so hard, so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far).
This long distance is killing me.

Now the minutes feel like hours
And the hours feel like days.. (whoa oh whoa)
While i`m away (way-ay)
You know right now i can`t be home (ah)
But i`m coming home soon (ah)
Coming home soon.. (ah a hah)
All i have is this picture in a frame (ah),
That i hold close to see your face everyday.

With you is where i`d rather be (where i`d rather be..),
But we`re stuck where we are (oh oh).
It`s so hard, (oh ah) you`re so far.. (oh ah)
This long distance is killing me.
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me),
But we`re stuck where we are (oh oh)
It`s so hard, (oh ah) you`re so far.. (oh ah)

Can you hear me crying?
Ooh (oh-oh oh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
Ooh (oh-oh oh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
Ooh (oh-oh oh-oh)
Ooh woo whoa ah ah oh ah (oh-oh ah!)
Uh ah uh ah whoa0h ah (oh-oh oh-oh)

With you is where i`d rather be (where i`d rather be..) whoa!
(but we`re stuck where we are) oh!
(it`s so hard) so hard (your so far), so far
(this long distance is killing me) this long distance is killing me
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me) me..
(but we`re stuck where we are) stuck where we are! so hard! so far
This long distance is killing me

There`s only so many songs that i can sing to pass the time.
Send "long distance" ringtone to cell phone

Berteman Sepi

2009-04-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

Penaku menari mencoretkan
Sebuah puisi kelukaan
Gurindam jiwa
Cinta dan airmata
Di kamar hati ini
Masih ada sembunyi
Kenangan yang tak mampu
Ku lemparkan jauh

Penaku menari melakarkan
Gambar kesayuan masa silam
Tinta bersulam biru
Warna kerinduan
Berkaca jernih ingatanku
Biarpun dikau telah jauh
Dari pandanganku

Manisnya pertemuan
Pahitnya perpisahan
Segala kini tidak dapat
Untukku bahasakan
Semua kini kaku
Tiada lagu merdu
Setiap madah baris kata
Bukannya lagi buatmu

Kini berteman sepi
Kini aku sendiri
Suka dan duka
Dalam meniti gelombang
Kembara panjang

Jauh melangkah pergi
Tidak menoleh lagi
Kenangan silamku
Tinggal tertulis kini
Dalam sebuah puisi

Penaku menari membariskan
Puisi sebuah pengalaman
Gurindam jiwa cinta dan airmata
Di kamar sepi ini
Titisan membasahi
Dan aku tidak tahu
Pada siapakah untukku luah rasa

Yang Terindah Hanya Sementara

2009-04-18T00:13:00.000-07:00

Setinggi seluas gunung dan lautan
Sejuta harapan dipertaruhkan
Beronak berliku jalan kulalui
Selagi berupaya kuteruskan

Alangkah sukarnya memadam bayangan masa silam
Di dalam keberanian terusik jua perasaan
Tidak hentinya memanjang dan semoga jiwa ini terus tabah

Sesungguhnya saat yang terindah hanyalah sementara
Yang terpahat di dalam diri hanya kenangan dan nestapa

Tak rela kuturutkan hati
Menyesali apa yang terjadi
Andainya begitu suratan yang tertulis diazali

Biarlah walaupun kusepi
Sedih pedih dikhianati
Aku kan tetap terus mengorak langkah perjalanan ini

Living without a courage.. how do you live?

2009-04-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

i tot things was getting better.. i all happens when hopes start to lift us up off the ground.. and there i am again crashed and crushed again.. and again.. i don;t know if i am living in a lie.. for one thing for sure, i didnt lie about what i truly felt..
it is sincere.. real.. true.. pure.. love.. and yet still.. it never been good enough..
it is when others wanted so much of what we have and yet some just turn themselves away from what they have..
i'm not sure if i'm blind or if they're blind.. maybe all of us are indeed blind.. blinded by our ego, stupidity and selfishness.. and not being selfish i am letting it go.. though i bleed over and over again. i dunno how many tons of tears i had shed for this one.. how deep my wounds had been for being hurt all over again.. and its for the same old reason.. Courage..
no words can truly describe how i feel and what's going on in my heart & head.. if one can be confused & lost being in this situation, i can put double across theirs.. why? coz i am always at the losing end of the rope..
now i am the one losing courage to tell myself to move on.. coz why? i love him deeply.. and yet all that gone down the drain..
Courage meant to be strong and firm.. but coz of courage i am now at the losing end..
Living without a courage.. how do you live?

My Life Would Suck Without You

2009-04-05T01:54:00.000-07:00

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Being with you
Is so disfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can’t let you go
Oh yeah

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

never ending pain

2009-03-14T01:15:00.001-07:00

its a rainy afternoon and i'm home feeling heavy and not wanting so much of this pain again..
it seems that this problem of mine is gonna be much painful than before and keep in this way till.. God knows when.. i cant imagine when the doc advised to start a family so i could get off this pain but hey, not an easy task in either way. i just hope painkillers wont add more pain in times to come and guess i need to visit the doc like what? - every month!?.. sigh.. oh well..

talking about being in pain.. well which part of life aint painful huh.
it is even painful to be happy.. for there's some price to pay still.. yeah thanks to those who just cant seem to have peace seeing others happy.. oh well.. GTH..
now am just so packed with so many things to do. work is draining much of my energy everyday.. so what's new?

anyways this year's IT show is more packed than last year's. that's strange.. coz at least for last year's, i could still walk my way thru & alone.. but this time the crowd is like doubling despite the economic crisis.. anyways.. gota go now.. cant stare too long on da screen. no1) rain.. no2) i'm all drowzy .. no 3) need to rest!

Stay in Love.. With you...

2009-03-14T00:27:00.000-07:00

Dying inside 'cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you don't know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds and I know

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gonna act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
'cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

For the better..

2009-03-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

sorry for the long 'disappearance'.. haha.. but not long enough thou.. but hey, it's still me and here i am back on blogging..
well ya i know i was talking abut getting into a new space and all.. oh well i've yet to find a suitable time for it.. have not really thought of a good name for the space.. i just wanna go easy over things.. and dun wanna rush things off.. well i am glad that i get things straight over some things.. well of coz things wont be the same anymore but hey, what matters most is there's effort put in and we've tried. and never keep giving up.. ok.. Insya-Allah things will get much much better..
well yesterday had the day out with the Marsilianz babes with our Princess @ Bride-to-be.. had our 'Hen Party' @ Furama.. and its just a great feeling to be pampered once in a while.. k i admit i am addicted to be pampered.. so yes, i am very much looking forward for a real body treat.. but of coz it all comes with good money.. well i do hope our Princess of the day enjoyed herself well :) hope it helped to de-stress away those tensions from the wedding preparations.. and thanx to the 2 great accomplice who made the day a successful one. Thanx Kak Azizah & Narny.. well i do really want a real top to toe body treat.. hope we can have that one some day :)
well after all those spendings and another spendings for the other upcoming gathering.. i guess i am pretty broke this month.. hmm.. but somehow i guess i need some de-stress too.. growing more acnes now.. ever since getting more workload woah.. i guess my eyes gonna be more puffy than it already had been.. and i hardly open my eyes everytime i got up lately.. :P now i have Panda eyes!
anyways got some things that somehow do grew question marks on my head.. just wonder sometimes how much should we contribute / help with our friends? i'm letting it rest on its own for now.. i was tempted to ask the day we met.. but den again.. it's for that i take her as my friend, i decide to let her reflect some things on her own before we talk again..
gal, i dun mean not to be selfish, but i guess we do need to sit and talk someday over what's going on with your life. i sensed your troubles and we know each other much and well enough.. i do truly hope we could talk.. and i hope when we do, we'd be open enough to listen to each other well k.. and if you are truly in need, i'll might truly consider.. but for now, i am sorry but i am having doubts over things after what i see.. all i do hope is you'd take good care of yourself k.
well, there are lots of things just keep buzzing around me.. but whatever it is, i am truly glad and bersyukur to God for having me some peace despite all the rollercoaster rides turning around me.. it's confusing and some of them are truly irritating, but i am glad thou it is occuring around me.. i am fine still.. just that i am feeling a bit tired and cant seem to get some real good rest as i am being pulled a bit here and there.. haiz.. guess it is going aroundme waiting for me to straighten things up.. just hope wen i do, i wont hurt others that badly.. Insya-Allah.. well of coz i know how nasty i can be, but my main purpose is just good.. do hope everything will be better. Amin.
And for the better, i sacrifice..

all smilez..

2009-03-01T05:55:00.000-08:00

okiez.. i'm back from a great day with my old pals.. oh boy.. it had been so long since i really hang out, chit-chat and catch up with old firends.. all this while i had been home-work-home.. and other than that, went out with family.. so yeah.. guess it's a pleasant day afterall to meet up and juz have some good time.. and congratulations to InSane & fiance.. may you two be happy and do take good care of yourselves.. and to the bride & grom to be in times to come, do take good care our yourselves too k.. am loking forward to your big days.. :D

well of coz there are times where people do pop up some of those Q.. but oh well, it's just polite to juz say, 'It'll juz wont's happen..' maybe for now.. maybe even forever.. i do just wanna take a good time off to think and really analyze all that ..
and oh yah.. thanks to yesterday's Sepet.. i dreamt i was in love again!.. oh no-no-no!.. its one thing i dun think i am ready for anytime soon for sure!.. well.. ok juz enough for all those..
now i just am happy to see my dear friends.. thank you all for all the great fine day.. thou it was one pouring day, it is truly a great time to spend the weekend with all of ya.. till we meet again.. :) take care all!

happy b'day daddy..

2009-02-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

today spent a good day out with my family. went to eat @ Sakunthala.. i had chicken bryani while mum & sis had rice set with Curry Fish Head, while dad had his roti Naan & his vege soup.. well, its meant to kindda celebrate dad's bday.. Happy Bday daddy!
went to visit my dad's relatives before heading home.. & yah, before all & done.. we had a lil shopping around ma old home town.. aah.. it's one place where i feel kindda missed of having for a very long time.. remembering those days where i cried my way home in those lonely nights.. those routes i made to & from school.. bought all kindda things.. mainly home groceries before hailing a cab home.. & yah, we got to meet the old aunties & uncles from the stalls, and even bought durians! after for so long had been wanting to eat those, finally!.. muahahaha..
so now down with my sore-throat.. lolx.. finally blogging.. perhaps after for so long.. after a long long weekday.. hehe.. anyways, am gonna be busy for the weeks to come.. i hope i can survive thou.. and hope things will get better for me..
and finally, the voice in me juz spoke out.. and now i'm halfway outta my miserable shell.. and still.. no i am not gonna jump into another pool of misery.. no-no-no..
now sis switched on Sepet.. oh well.. i'm a bit out of those .. ya know that kindda thing.. so, juz wanna live like norm.. as possibly as i could..
now i am watching this funny part where they were talking about why the fathers are always in disapproval to their daughter's boyfriend.. haha.. well, of coz fathers are concern of the person whom his daughter is dating with, & i guess that's natural.. not that they disapprove, unless they see that the guy seems to be insincere, some cunning fox or something.. oh well. enough of such complex issues..
so.. tomorrow a friend of mine's getting engaged & i am truly happy for him.. but one thing i dun feel quite good about is that, i am not really being invited - personally.. sorry bro, but not my liking/idea of attending to someone's event and simply being invited by a forwarded sms.. so, i juz dunno if i should come.. we'll see how tomorrow then. but whatever it is, i do pray for the both of you, and may you both be blessed with lots of love & happiness, may you both be strong to got thru all the life challenges.. :)
& to daddy.. i'm sorry that i dun think i could fulfill your wishes any soon .. maybe even never.. guess your girl is badly wounded this time.. sorry daddy..

Rainbows

2009-02-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

it had been days i keep seeing rainbows.. its pretty.. its ice.. and reminds me of CareBears.
i'm back @ work since yesterday, despite getting the side effects of that anti-biotics, that made the toilet my best fren for yesterday.
today i'm having kindda tighten feeling over my throat and somehow a lil bit of breathing difficulties. Am i dying any sooner? Maybe. But in any case if i ever will be, i just hope that may he'll find the happiness he's yearning for. and yes, i still think of him. I keep hitting my hands off the phone everytime the urge of wanting to dial his number or sms him. i have to be reminded that he left me.
well, that's the end of us.. i can choose not to believe it and still suffer .. even believing it doesnt helps.. how i wish.. i wish..
well when it's time to leave, guess we have to leave.. and may someday.. love be found..
rainbows.. rainbows of life.. yet draws a smile on my face.. yet still drawn the curtains that darkens my shallow heart..

If love is so important to have that one doesn't want to lose it, why is it when we find true love we often don't notice it?

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Spinning Around

2009-02-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

guess where am i.... H0me!
k had an eye pimple that burst, leavin me with a red eye and swelling..
went to the doc after work yesterday and was prescribed with eye drops and antibiotics.. boy didnt know that i am really running on a fever!.. luckily on MC today.. so here i am juz had my lunch and a short nap after popping up with da pills..
woke up in the morning to send emails quickly to my local & US bosses.. and missing today's meeting, hope my head won't roll over tomorrow..
now still feeling pretty drowzy and sober.. aah. oh wel.. i'm juz gonna sleep in again juz hope tomorrow will be a better day.. till then.. oh God.. my head is spinning badly now..

2009-02-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday we got back into pool.. and sadly.. Safra Yishun is not worth the price to pay.. pool is deep yeah, but the toilet is unventilated.. not sure what's great in there. my ratings for it: 1 dip!.. only for the deep pool. plus @ 3pm.. they start chasing swimmers away half of the pool as they are having begineer lessons for the kidies.. its upsetting, coz tot it'll be good place to swim then go for a good massage.. too bad.. it's not The Place.. and yeah, i did get to eat my Eatzi hehe.. even thou not the exact piece of meat that i had been served, but i still get to taste that yummy baked potatoes with sour cream and some minced beef.. yummy!.. hehe.. anyone to call me for a date, u shud know my fave place.. haha..
so, tats one tiring 1st weekend, Sunday's more exhausting than ever.. Went to Ustaz Jumadi's clinic for a quick consultation.. wif the pills i'm getting.. boy it sure didnt me some good nite rest.. now woke up in the morning having my right sore-eye, and feeling seriously not too well.. not sure why and what.. but God, i surrender myself to only You..
After the short trip we went to Geylang to shop for a new top.. glad that mum & sis got theirs top in da same place.. while i have to travel to Tanjong Katong and walk thru the rain to get mine.. a decent yellow blouse.. well, juz in case i need to attend some of those engagements / weddings, a gd alternatives other than baju kurung :)
now juz hung up the phone with mum.. she's upset that i'm @ work with sore-eye.. well initially wasnt tat sore la.. not till the tembel actually burst in the mid nite.. so now.. i'm grumbling that i gotta bring my lappy home again.. haiz.. that makes it another heavy trip this week..
k. now back to work.. maybe i'll tell my boss tonite if i'll get MC for tomorrow den..
till then.. toodlez..
Maybe i'll add some lil details of my visit to the clinic..

missing him.. still.. cant simply delete the image of him off my mind.. cant simply throw him out of my mind.. but the fact of him out of my life.. what a love lockdown...

Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps

2009-02-19T02:33:00.000-08:00

Hero.. i died in both..

eye pain..

2009-02-18T02:39:00.000-08:00

k.. literally and really on the reality.. my eyes hurts..
guess thanks to the hard work and staring at the computer..
it's after office hours now.. so i'm free to blog (i guess..), while waiting for mummy dearest.. oh well, who else do i have other then mum to keep me company.. that's how my life is now.. not sure if this is what's gonna be like for the next wat? 5 - 10 years? arghh..
k.. i'm juz deadly tired in the head now.. need to rest.. but cant rest well.. aiyah.. juz pray so hard that i wont get sore eyes.. at a bad timing of coz.. unless if the lappy's over @ hm, even its a weekday, and i'm free from my meeting.. i'll yabedabedoo!... hehe.. notti thotz..
so i saw an "old" fan.. i mean as mature.. really mature man.. oh well.. never noticed and never wanna notice him either.. look man, ya are as old as ma youngest aunt (perhaps..) & i'm no fan to be the next Siti nurhaliza.. no offence but am not planning to be like one.. well of coz life & death in God's hands.. n meanwhile i'm in control of my life now.. No to such please!..
just dunno y but ever since one of ma sista asked me about getting into BGR.. it really pricks me.. i dun blame her or anything.. just that.. maybe after the broken of trust and great heartbreak that i had.. i really just dun believe in love anymore. it's all bullshit.. and perhaps, it really is.. for me at least.. i dun see any man who truly loves me as yet.. oh well.. let's just stop it all here.. i've enuff of headaches.. enough salt rubbing to my wounds..

what we had is broken.. and you broke us.. despite the endless times that i was there for you, for us.. thinking you deserve a chance like you plead then.. guess it was a mistake afterall.. mistake of giving chances..for you took all the chances and played on me.. broke my heart and slammed the door right behind you without a second thought to look back what you've left.. you choose to be the way you are now.. and you choose to leave me and fooled me.. despite bieng loyal to you.. this is what is get.. resentment..

blue+red=green

2009-02-17T02:29:00.000-08:00

its blue and red for me today. blue hood red shoes... and saw everything else the same too.. but something comes in between.. green.. that shall makes me grin a lil about life & God's creation..
saw the skies juz now on my way to work.. subhanallah.. its a beauty..
till then...~ grinz!

Weird

2009-02-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

last night i had a weird dream. i dreamt that i met with an old love.. but it was reuniting of us, but in fact he was asking for my help to get him to his love.. and in that dream despite feeling a lil setback, i carried on to help him with full of love..
i'm not sure what this dream is trying to convey to me.. it may be a premonition or just some sign.. but i dunno.. maybe i am fated to help those whom i love to get their love.. maybe that's my destiny..? God knows.. but all i could say is that, it felt deeply into me.. even till now.. even thou it's juz a dream..
i guess this is all thanks to all that's had been occuring in my life.. i just wonder what's next for me..
years long in search of love.. now that i understood of love.. where's love?

i was being kissed!~

2009-02-15T20:13:00.000-08:00

k.. wierd one.. but it had been a very long time ever since.. ... ..
k let's leave those ol parts behind.. but recently i had juz an odd dream.. oh boy this can't be true.. for i am not ever ready to open up again.. but then again.. oh shuddup Z..
well.. in fact.. i do get those odd signs .. but of coz, most of the time i always ignore it.. for like what they say, dreams are just dreams.. they aren't nothing for real.. but to me.. i can differentiate dreams for they are juz plain dreams, or those with some signs.. or even some are a sightings of the upcoming future.. trusting too much what others said end me up to where i am now.. so now, i am gonna believe what i truly believes in..
well honestly before those breakups and disheartening moments, i already ahd dreams of him leaving me - k pardon me for speaking out about him again thou i tried not to be so drown over this, but this is related to today's topic still!.. well i dreamt that he kept leaving me.. i tried not to believe it, but it did happened over and over again.. for real.. and it's bcoz he chooses to leave.. The End.
so ya see, my dreams aren't those folly.. and from what i had dreamt all my life.. i am pretty scared of my future.. oh yes.. that one dream.. oh God.. please dun let there be any war that i would be widowed in that condition! pity my baby.. oh God please..
it is not nice at all afterall if you do dream of bad things that have yet to come to reality.. it's like i'm dreaming of my fate.. but whatever it is.. i believe in Him.. please God.. to You whom i praised.. to You whom i prayed.. to You whom i only have who knows the very truth and knows me deeply very well.. Please protect us from harm.. please strengthen us despite the obstacles we had and yet to go thru.. to only You i implore.. Amin..

my space

2009-02-15T04:52:00.000-08:00

guess what.. i found an abandon ol written-stuff.. oh boy! i was such a vu****! guess at that point of time, i was tired with my then life and i know i wanna change but it was kindda a rough tide to make that turnover ya know.. oh well.. reading back those.. i realy can't believe i actually had those!.. gosh! oh well.. that's some past.. so much in Aaww rite now.. haha..
well actually.. i had this wild thught.. thinking of... changing my space!.. i've not think of a name for it yet.. but i kindda thought of making it a different feel.. well of coz this is much different too.. after all those filtering and removinf those excess.. but then i was hinking of something New.. i dunno.. no names had yet to ring in my head yet.. maybe will do some soul searching or something.. and well of coz it'll be sad to leave everything all that i built and start from scratch.. but i guess i might wanan keep my fizebiz.. coz to me.. it's me.. it's a name where i am comfortable with.. despite the good/bad i'm getting.. but hey.. i dunno.. it;s juz one wild idea i had been thinking off.. well it did struck me on my last bday.. but not sure i was that ready yet.. it'sgonna be excitin.. well of coz.. a new image of me will be presented there.. urgh.. i dunno.. even a space liek this can be quite tuff for me.. yeah-yeah.. i'm indecisive.. got it!.. but when i have made up my mind.. i really stick to it.. once i jump into the pool... i'll dice thru and drown if i must..
arghhh.. i'm excited.. well of coz plus a bit urm.. scared maybe.. excited coz it's gonna be new space for one... new theme.. .. new me?.. well i already potrait a new look oh yah!.. i'm already one year done with the hood! hurray!!.. Congrats!! now lemme see.. what else i can accomplish... well maybe i am a lil bit excited (now) as am learning to really grow up like a grown up.. hitting my 1st "1 kiss" in ma piggy.. thou that may be little.. but hey! it's a great accomplishment to limit my transactions and still have that amount in it!.. k hush-hush!.. Insya-Allah.. everything wil fall into place.. well of coz i have yet to pay mum for my education scheme, but still.. Al-hamdulillah.. murah rezeki.. despite the economic crisis & major pay-cut.. i am glad i could still save.. guess it's true what my 'Happy' book said.. it's not about the great amount of money that one can use to save.. but the amount of discipline and letting the income flow in a cycle so it can grow.. without giving one can never receive.. and Alhamdulillah.. i guess what they say is true.. bersedekah gives good health to your income.. :) and after years of being like "supportive" to in fact unrelated & undeserving people.. still whatever i had offered is ikhlas.. but if ya say to return it all someday back to me.. that's your words, not mine k, mind ya..
ok.. maybe i was too distraught over all the bitterful parts of my life.. guess it's time to celebrate the good things in life for me now.. well of coz no doubt, strange but true, others seems to be hardly the ones to pamper me good.. so, guess i pamper myself well enough. :)
well of coz i did.. only began this year in fact.. for that's where i went for the 1st time to body massage.. bought an (expensive enough) new parfum.. and recently.. got myself The Scholl.. the very one i eyed for some time when i just started to work in Harbourfront, right after graduation.. hmm.. all seems to be good afterall.. i can never thank enough to Allah for all the great blessings he had given to me.. k.. did i just wrote something that kindda prick my heart?.. hmm.. that's a lil flashback thou.. guess today was very much of a flashback of that particular one.. well.. in fact not only today but everyday ever since.. oh well.. gotta go.. now for a dinner and then read my 'Happy' book :) till then..

thru' it all..

2009-02-15T02:17:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure if my time had yet to come soon.. but even if it is, i hope it brings ease than more troubles to the ones left behind..
i'm not sure how my parents kindda had the 'instincts' .. even when i had buried deep down under my bittergourds.. still they kindda sensed and asked me why and what's wrong.. it's like as if they can see right thru me.. even when i can't see it for myself!..
guess that's what we call parents.. or even family.. everyone here tried to make things appear as if it's like normal.. but i am so very grateful that they do kindda understand my pains..
it is bitter.. it is sad.. but i am fine.. okay well at most extly.. not as if that i am breaking down every split second to be reminded of those shadows of life.. oh well.. guess like what they say. it takes time to get over it all.. for me, quite ok la.. well juz now my aunt drove past his area.. well, of coz i was reminded of the warm welcome during HRO... but hey.. i know and am definite that my presence was sincere.. i've done my part, but i guess God had his better reasons to let me face thru all these.. and i'm glad i am surviving from the aftermath.. alhamdulillah..
well i dun wanna be overconfident to say i am so well and okay.. but hey, i'm a human with feelings.. so of coz if i were to like be recalled over some things or even met with some familiar faces, i'll have a lil flashbacks but then again, life goes forward and not backwards. despite being all uset one the other side, i do hope he's doing fine.. well of coz he is.. pursuing further studies cum working. well.. insya-Allah i'll achieve mine too.. but i aint only wanna plain degree.. just like for my diploma.. i wanna ace it :) Insya-Allah.. so for now, focus on work, grasb bits of experience which i believe that i go thru these hell not for just nothing.. it's meant to be quite a hell load of good stuffs :) i know.. God won't let me go thru some obstacles in life if He knows that i'm not up to it.. but hey.. i'm glad i've been thru much hell, and i'm loving me.. Thank you Allah for your great.. EVERYTHING.. :)

"Happy" V-Day

2009-02-14T03:06:00.001-08:00

think ya know someone deeply good enough?.. think again.. ya absolutely wrong.. coz they come in 2 faces and multiple pages..
guess that was what i found out after for so long.. the image i had seen appears to be too good to be true afterall.. thinking i was the baddie.. in fact the other is worse than anyone could expect.. so am i suppose to still offer prayers for the other?.. go to hell..
i admit for being stupid to be patient and be fooled by lies and excuses.. i was blind.. blinded by love.. now it''s all clear to me why it was all happening and there's no even effort of sincere apology.. there wasn't even a sincerity afterall from the very beginning isn't it?.. some kind of game huh?
hurt i was and am - enough. It's all a damn bullshit.. have to keep a reminder to myself.. they are all the same afterall..
what insanity had come to me to even accept his lies?.. forgiven.. maybe.. bu never ever well forgotten.. ya see, this is what i get after much effort of giving in, its the hurt that we get back.. fine with me.. well hope you get 10 times the good deal.. and whatever!..
aren't there like any for real person out there.. i really wonder.. it's amazing how different life can be for some in real life and reel life..
i have to be smart over things now.. gotta stop all those well wishin' or even prayers for these ungrateful people.. sorry uncle, guess i have to ake ya off from my listings. my last prayers for ya.. (and i try not to remember ya name in my list of prayers offerings.. not that i hate you and family.. it juz reminds me of him & i can't deny that ya have left behind quite a-- descendant..)
and for him, thanks for all the waterworks and crumbles ya made me..
ouch.. chest pains.. guess i need a breather out of this bad vibes.. time to seek a remedy - to end task all those unnecessary thoughts of a wrecker.. till then..
what a V-Day..V = virulence

s0ulm@t3s

2009-02-14T01:06:00.001-08:00

i really hate myself for saying this... but it felt really sad.. not to have a man in my life who cares abt me.. no special guy to wish me happy birthday.. not a damn soulmate..and now i don't know even if i believe in soulmates..

hecked .. long and away

2009-02-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

news update.. some idiot was trying to hack into my account.. so pissed to know that they even try to reset my password.. oh boy.. if i reallyget my hands on them, i'll whoop off their bloody heads off..
been away due to technical issues that my poor lappy is facing.. thanks to the blank screen.. now wen finally got back.. felt i missed quite a lot.. but neh.. am still alive - unfortunately still...
well health aint too good for me.. guess it had been awhile since i had fallen seriously ill.. was actually on MC today.. but due to some important meetings to attend, plus my lappy was left in the office, guess i had to walk my way to work slowly and carefully.. and thank God, i got thru the day, quite safe and sound.. Alhamdullillah.. had taken my dinner and medications, guess i'll turn to bed quite soon..

the 'lover's celebrated day' will be tomorrow.. love's so much in the air.. saw all those ads & moods of others in the air.. while love is all around.. but it's just not right here..
after 7 years of bitterful life experience.. i guess it did gives me quite an odd feeling .. but that odd feeling isnt felt juz coz of the 'lover's celebrated day'..
We dont need to celebrate love once a year.. but we need love to live in us everyday.. every moment of our lifetime..
k.. guess i shall not be mushy as i'm in no mood for such a feeling.. it's just gonna tear me up more..
anyways.. hope i'll be well enough tomorrow to run some errands.. just hope there's not too much of love polluting the air out there, or else it'll juz kills me.. urggghh!...
till tomorrow den. good night all..
and to all lovers out there.. be faithful to the once you dear.. be sincere with your love.. behold the moments you have with each other, for who knows if tomorrow never comes..

weak-endz

2009-02-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

k.. i am done with work for the weekend (i guess..)
was hoping i can catch my sleep right after the meeting.. but i guess i'm like my mum where when we get too tired.. we need rest but can't sleep.. so now am blogging while listening to my old fave song Still by Jennifer Lopez.. dunno why but i just feel of listening to it.. maybe it had been a long time since i last plug my ears to it.. or maybe juz maybe..
well workload seems to be start piling in for me at work.. now working hours guess gonna be extremely long and that's gonna be painful.. honestly, it's not da kind of work i was ever thinking of bringing home to do.. but guess this is my rezeki and i shall try to work hard and excel in it.. Insya Allah..
ok.. now time for sponge-bob square pants.. CARTOON time!!

The Cricket

2009-02-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

i had enough of cold shoulder treatments, tension headaches and emotional hangovers..
so, it is true that my nightmare was a reality.. so here it is world, come and face it!
had enough of upsets over things and time.. now that i finally get the hang of myself, i shall be the better best of me who i wanna be, without restrictions..
this time, unlike the several ways where i can be such a kiddy to fool around, i guess i'm washing my hands off on this one, this time.. well it'll be a super new experience and i hope it'll be a great good one, Insya-Allah..
anyways, i was thinking of ..honestly? - nothing in particular.. well when i was logging into the blog, i just realised that i'm using an old password with rememberance of a recent past.. so i guess it's just wise to change and make-over the whole part of things associated with my life.. well.. i oredi trim my hair a bit.. thanks with the help of mum of trimming it straight, and my notti hands that makes it more crooked.. thanks to sis for adding a no-difference color on me.. well thought of getting those high colorant.. hehe.. just like old days.. see how on that one.. and i oredi tanned myself well enough.. so that's good.. now i am as black (prolly) as i was years back.. i start growing pimples after getting hives.. good.. adds more tiny damn details on me.. great!..
i oredi start to occupy my schedules.. work's gonna drag to nights and weekends at times.. cool.. started to swim since Jan once a week.. guess tomorrow i'll be going for a swim on my own - and if so, that'll be my 1st.. and idiots out there, i've no good bod to see.. so dun bother at all about me.. unless of coz if i were to drown in da mid pool.. juz call the coroner to deliver to the Muslim Cemetery.. that'll just do.. wednesdays.. maybe i'll might stick with the IT FIS for badminton.. thou i am such a good screamer and shuttlecock watcher.. or else i could go for my jogs 'round ma neighbourhood in the evening.. and maybe.. hehe.. with juz tankie and trackies.. hehe.. sure, if i really have guts to do so.. haha..
So.. God.. thank you for making my 24 hours a day 7 days a week, be filled with The Cricket, till that i can fit in a whole lot more of others and yet still have much more space to occupy the time..
Now i am thinking of where would be the next stop to La-Kopi.. hmm..
Till then.. Cricket.. over and out!

Pukez

2009-02-05T02:11:00.000-08:00

k.. badminton was bad.. it had been dinasour-years long since i last played.. and my racket needs a change of string.. unfortunately so, despite of playing with it like Once??.. well that was a birthday present from sis.. and guess maybe i can treat her for her bday since i am oredi working.. hehe.. hey.. not earning millions but good enough to buy a meal for 4.. me mum, sis, and dad. :D
well somehow i do feel grateful to God for that i am working, thou this work kindda kills me everyday.. but hey, guess maybe this is a stepping stone for me to become an IT Specialist!.. haha.. k, big dreams & fat hope.. and being the only diploma graduate here, am planning to go for further studies.. but the again, there are other matters that needs more financial attention than that yet..
and no i'm not getting anywhere near the bloody word 'M', thou kindda feeling irritated when ppl bugs me about it.. even being in 'R' meking me wanna vomit blood.. i'd sacrificed too much of heart, mind and soul (+ $$$).. so finally after years long of devotion to love.. i am leaving the world of Commitment.. see how's that gonna feel like for them.. oh well, what the hell..
seriously.. i just hope ppl could just stop talking or evefn teasing me with that 'ol man'.. i've no interest thou its much opposite for him.. but hey, i'm still a kid.. and dun think making a woman who's like prolly a decade older suits to be called a mother-in-law!.. oh please..
*pukez!

Totally Spa

2009-02-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

I was browsing the net yesterday during my lonely lunch hour ~ as always.. and i came across to this! http://www.totallyspa.com.
OMG! the ideal website i was looking for.. now.. i am thinking of getting a good retreat spa deal for me, sis n mum.. and also me and ma Jamekanz & friends.. aaww. this would be awesome if we could go for such a retreat.. oh well, maybe could go with ma girliez in good months to come :)
now am thinking when and where i could go within this near time maybe wif some gal grens.. maybe wif ma family.. or maybe if i'm crazy enuff, i'll go on ma own!.. k fine i am getting nuts..
well, somehow i realize something.. i kindda enjoy much pampering others than my own self.. and of coz end up blaming others for not treating me much as i do the best for them.. but hey! nows that to change..

anyways i know some point of time this blog of mine went to shy itself away from the blogsphere for a while.. well i was thinking to make it private, for one reason, some uninvited readers might juz try to look for all my 'typo errors' and make critics over me.. oh well! it's my blog that's one thing for sure and no. 2: NONE OF YOUR BIZNEZ! err.. dun think i am interfering to anybody's life.. unless you're being nosy and that's a sign for me to be one to you too.
My blog, free to read and soon be forgotten. it's where i write what i do feel at da point of time as the net had been the other source of expressing myself.. not as if i pole-dance over the net or something that ya have to brag so much about with that stench breath!.. eeww..
*Achoo!* #Sneeze# k maybe somebody's talking about me now.. haha.. oh well, what da hell..
left with 2 hoursmore before i get my doomsday from my seniors n boss.. and another 5 more hours before i make a fool of myself in front of ma colleague with my badminton racket.. and oh yah, did you know that i am a good shuttlecock watcher!? haha.. gotta go now.. toodlez!

break down for a new scent?

2009-02-01T04:08:00.000-08:00

k now i'm more tanned than before.. but no big deal, as if it would just kills me.. and guess over the weekend, i'm like eating so much.. till i cant even fit one of my old pair of jeans now.. was thinking of going to Levi's and purchase a new pair of jeans prolly on tuesday perhaps?.. hmm.. see how then.. well so not in da mood to go to work.. some how i just dun feel to be in any good mood for anything.. feeling so much of rebelling myself over things.. just wanna go for a good getaway and get a gd piece of heart and mind.. anyways instead of getting a new fit of jeans, got myself a new Lancome.. oh yah.. i need a haircut.. i guess to an extreme, i might juz snap it on my own.. which reminds me now to get a scissors for that.. oh well.. Jessica Simpson cut off her shoulder-length blondie over her breakup with Nick, Britney shaved her head off when her life at rocks.. and mine soon will be the next victim.. like they say, 'When a woman makes a hair-do, that shows definitely something wrong in her life.. ' What's wrong with my life?.. well everything.. and i'm starting to break down..

Sundown and Wish now

2009-01-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

k.. guess i might not be able to go for the sundown.. sob.. sob..
mum disapproves me to go alone.. mummy!... well, cant force others to join either when they really cant.. and for this is why i am always alone.. i mean.. what's so wrong of running? well even if i were to die of running, at least i'l be happy enough to be dead for doing something that i like and achieve upon doing it. at least i try. and this is where trying is counted in.
oh well, at least i could go for swimming every week, that's good enough. well, somehow maybe i am not that well enough afterall.. i duno what i am having, but whatever it is, if it's gonna be because of it that i might jsut die, well i just hope i could live my life to the max, doing and achieveing most of what i need to do and then just die!.. hehe.. now that's what we call a beautiful death!.. ~ to me of coz.. i mean really, why living and dragging your feet like for over days, months or centuries doing what you dont ever do what you wanna do.. i mean for good cause of coz..
k maybe i shall write a whole wish list before i die.. so perhaps that shall motivate me to work towards it. but hey.. i oredi have a year resolution, maybe juz can add on to it.. 2009 Resolution/Death Wish List??.. k.. death sounds a bit "not that right" here.. hmm.. maybe Wish List will just do. :)

Run Away

2009-01-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

well.. from the brief preview that i see is that i might be the only person whom i know of, to go for this SunDown Marathon.. well if this would be true.. then this would be the 1st run i'd be going alone and plus.. running at night!..
honestly i dunno what makes me wanna run.. i am no good runner.. i dun have the stamina.. but i guess it's just one way where i can like 'relieve' my stress and imagining like i am 'running away' from the troubles that's haunting me.. but then at the same time, i'll be exercising and losing off those fats!.. hehe.. well i wanna run if can like every day before or after work.. but of coz, with the conservative mindset of my family who are more laid back.. hehe.. that results the un-athlete me.. :P
but hey! at least made the effort to go for at least an hour of swimming every week (so far)..
anyways, ma boss juz asked me to join the rest of the colleagues for an hour of badminton session at hougang after work.. well, of coz that's near to work.. but not home.. hmm.. guess i'll be heading back hm on wednesday with stinkz n sweatz.. hehe.. we'll see how lah eh.. if not can juz spend one of my other days of the week to pplay badminton.. it'd been some long time too.. wonder how karat my vision for the shuttlecock and the racket swing will be.. hehehe..
oh well.. guess this would be the perfect timing for me to pack da hell of my time and also to avoid those thoughts and worry over some personal heart matters. all i could say is that someday, i just do believe that there's something right out there for me.. i know i'm quite close to it.. (maybe lah eh..) and hey! i'm living over 24 now.. i should had been dead!.. hehehe.. oh well.. guess wait till 42 and see if am gonna still live.. hehe.. i'm sure God have real good reasons to let me live.. hehe.. well of coz He do!.. well whatever it is.. i just hope that my presence would bring more better than the worse of things.. and for that i would wanna work hard, strive for the best and excel.. just for what i pray every day, during every prayers, to be a better person.. and for that i'll work towards it..
trying is not to be said but to be done.. for that's where effort is seen, not to be just said..
Insya Allah, may i excel.

Adidas SunDown Marathon 2009

2009-01-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

Hey beautiful people!.. Juz went surfing the net and guess what! - another marathon coming up!!! Yay!..

K, who's in!? i wanna sign up for this!.. any comers??

Ya may check out the website for more info.

Below are some info i get from the webby, just highlights on da girls updates la.. :P

REGISTRATIONS & FEES
Registration: Via Online,
Payment: Credit Card .. :( Which i don't have any.. hmm...
Women 10k Run:

Early Bird (till 31-Jan-09): $40
Special Period (1-Feb-09 till 31-Mar-09) : $45
Normal Period ( 1-Apr-09 till 30-Apr-09): $50

RACE Details
Date: 30th May 2009 (Sat Night)
Venue: Changi Point

RACE KIT PACK

Women's 10km & Team Participants will each receive a race kit bag containing an exclusive adidas Event Singlet and other goodies. Finishers in these categories will also each receive an exclusive adidas Sundown Marathon Finisher Visor and a Finisher's medal unique to the category.

For more details, pleace check out the website .
To register personally, we gotta got to Athete's Circle. (which likely how i'm gonna register myself there.. hmm...)
Map at this link.

Deceived

2009-01-27T19:23:00.000-08:00

am listening to the radio now about this gal seeking for advice from the deejay.. she's having an affair despite being engaged.. and another is a story where the guy's having an affair with another woman.. bla bla bla..
sometime si just do wonder, what does it mean to be with each other is you don't value that relationship that you both had worked hard, putting so much effort over those long period of time, and finally jsut letting it all go and saying that as if 'you're moving on..'
would it make any sense if the other party to be unfaithful to you too, and you get super upset about it? sometimes it's strange and silly to hear all these excuses people make in their lives.. they can look for "alternatives" just because of their selfishness.. like because of wanting kids, careers, etc..
does being faithful to one matters no more? don't people an longer appreciate the existence and sacrifice made just to be with each other? i dunno if being in relationship is more like a 'disposable diapers'.. trash after use.. seems like there's such a low value in love.. having all these materialistic things are so much more of a concern.. rather than the real value of good attitude and great initiatives..
for those who have such a thought of deceiving the trust of your dear ones who had been there for you all the very while, guess it's time to get things clear and realize what da hell ya doing.
God had created man with brains.. and i'm sure we can very well think for ourselves and measure what's good and bad, what's the real worth and value in life.
It is up to us to think what we wanna think. you can have a good impression of a person the moment you clear off your heart and mind or you may think how badly one can be, with all those nonesense silly thoughts you have of others. These people that you see are all human, just like yourself.
Life is full of shitty crap if you think so much of so, and may our life be a whole crap of shit by thinking so.
Looks can be deceiving? Think again, it's your thoughts that deceive of what you see.

The Eclipse

2009-01-26T22:40:00.000-08:00

"The Sun and the Moon are two of the Signs (Ayat) of Allah: they do not darken for the death or birth of any person, but Allah strikes fear into His servants by means of them. So when you see them darken, remember and mention Allah, declare His Greatness, offer prayer, give in charity, and supplicate to Him and seek His forgiveness."

Being a reminder of the Last Day, the eclipse is a time for prayer, charitable acts, freeing slaves and generally remembering Allah and seeking His forgiveness.

And yesterday went to Darul Makmur to perform our Asar & sunnah prayers with mum and dad.. i kindda fall in love when i hear the sound of prayers.. it had been some long time since i hear such a calling.. well of coz as a child, i did grew up and had my classes in Gufran.. but those were the naughty days where life was all about playing around.. Guess it is when we grew much older, we tend to appreciate life better. Insya Allah.
Well all i can express out is how lovely it feels deep in me.. ya know that kindda feeling.. it's something i had been yearning, to have it stay in me like forever.. it's like 'true love'.. its a blissful kindda feeling that no one can ever give you, but just Him.. It's so special that this insanity life around us become so peaceful and everything just falls nicely in place.. God i miss it!.. and well for that i'm glad i did offer a lil reading last night.. despite getting hives after reading the dusty book, guess it becomes so dusty that's why.. and still i m happy still..
oh well today was suppose to be a remarkable day, which suppose to be like a reminder -not death, but the ever blissful relationship i had for the longest one i ever had. but of coz, it's now left in the museum.. good history just stays there.. and others juz keeps on rolling forward.. but whatever it is, i am thankful to God for all that had happened to me.. and i am happy.. happy that i went thru it all and be what i am now. it is not the past that i am proud of, but the present person i am from the pasts that had made me become... and thanks to Him who's always there for me.. thru all the heartbreaks, the dark starry nights.. the lonely broad daylight.. and He still loves me, let me breathe, makes my heart beats, makes me smile and give me the opportunity to live the life that i am so grateful to have now.. it is not all about misery.. what makes life miserable is what we choose to see..
looking out of my window now, it is so quiet and peaceful as my hands busy typing this out. my heart is at ease.. somehow it reminded me those days when i was younger then.. those nights where i used to walk down the dark lonely streets alone.. its the same kind of feeling i get and see.. serenity.. listening to the chirping of the birds around.. oh God.. life is so beautiful.. well not untill when a crazy driver vrooms its way down the quiet peaceful road now.. but hey.. his is what i had been looking for.. feeling at ease.. quiet and peaceful.. it's just so perfect.. Thank you God for letting me to live today.. even thou i was expecting someone to remember of this day.. but i guess You had enlightened my heart so much so that You made me not feeling upset over it.. hehe.. k.. now to enjoy this moment before i got distracted.. till then..

* An eclipse is a sign of the majesty and power of Allah.

Narrated Abu Masud: The Prophet said, "The sun and the moon do not eclipse because of the death of someone from the people but they are two signs amongst the signs of Allah. When you see them, stand up and pray."

Tanned Slammed

2009-01-25T01:21:00.001-08:00

K.. i guess i'll be more tanned than ever if i'm gonna keep being exposed to the sun, and playing with water.. but hey! it's a fun thing to do stil.. even thou my arms are feeling much of the aches now.. hehe.. well at least i did what it takes to accomplish my new year resolutions.. which one of them is - to exercise! now it had been 2 weeks and twice me and mum had went for da pool.. and i'm da only tanned one.. hmm.. wonder if that would makes any different.. maybe he'll love me.. maybe he won't love me afterall..
well not being a stereotupe.. but from the 'interviews' i had been with men.. they generally would prefer ladies with fairer complexion.. or if not.. those kindda creamy brown like Eva Mendes or Jennifer Lopez.. but as ya know we are Asians.. unless with a very much help from a 3-inch makeup concealer and foundation, we might atian to that fave skin tone.. but for me.. i had been fair.. i had been tanned.. even more tanned than i am now.. but i am still me.. i believe that in orde to have others to love oneself, we have to love ourselves 1st.. so it doesnt matter how tanned i look.. or how white-pale my complexion is.. what matters is how i present myself.. what i feel, what i think.. and what i do..
oh well.. enough of complexion-ity.. well.. sometime i do wonder if things do really get any better over time.. honestly.. it may do and may even never will.. and over the years, months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds, moments.. things do change.. people behave differently over time.. they think differently over time.. if not them it would be us.. things always change.. but of coz it matters for the better or for the worst.. personally.. i think i might had changed for the better.. k, realistically, not for the very better, but a bit better.. it is not something easy to do.. ya know sometimes it is much easier to do things for others but not for ourselves.. why? well only we do have the answers.. but then for me now.. i am doing things a step at a time.. i wouldn't wanna just say that i try.. but i will.. like they say action is stronger than words.. so i'll do it for myself, tell myself deep inside that everything's gonna be alright.. and just jump into that deep pool of troubles! hehe.. till den... toodlez!

Say OK

2009-01-24T03:14:00.000-08:00

ou are fine, you are sweet
Fine, I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close, I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak and I feel sparks

But I don't wanna be into you
If you're not looking for true love
No, I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one, so tell me

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

Say that it's gonna be alright
That it's gonna be ok

When you call I don't know
If I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends
Who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy

But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See, I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe
Feel safe!

Let me know if it's gon' be you
Boy, you got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away

So let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you'll help me shine
Will you wipe my tears away?
Will you hold me closer?

When it's not alright, when it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright? Will you say ok?
Will you stick with me through whatever
Or run away?

what i cannot change

2009-01-23T07:16:00.000-08:00

I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I don't know my Father
Or my Mother well enough
Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff
The pain is self inflicted
I know it's not good for my health
But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to he

drained

2009-01-23T06:32:00.001-08:00

i try not to put any hopes at all over things.. i juz am trying to accept whatever that may comes and goes.. i know i am human who can be quite clingy over some things.. but i guess i have to change my mindset of being human and being more like something else.. be more detached over things.. i dun deny of my feelings.. but i dun deny too of what asll the things i'd been thru is now giving me..
i dun think it's any good idea to pretend and lying to myself over the reality.. nor would it be any better for me to push over too much of the impossibilities from that reality..
everyday back from work.. juz feel too drained from all the energy i'd dump from 8 to 6.. and by the time i'm back.. i just wish tomorrow will juz be another weekend.. and when tomorrow would be a working day, i wish it never is..
well this week had its ups and downs.. but i'm learning to leave work just in the office.. unless i have to do mobile working.. then thats just really too bad that i have to bring it even to bed..
well.. can say this weekend will be a longer one.. thanx to CNY.. but then again.. i've to be the only one in the team to provide the support work for the week.. omg.. what's more to come.. and this time i have to support from 8 to 9..
oh well.. i juz hope i can get gd rest over this few days b4 the long working hours again..
what's more to life?.. now i just need a good break.. a good time out..

Marri-age

2009-01-19T20:23:00.000-08:00

well.. life aint fairy tale and love-life aint always blissful..
but i dun take all that had happened as a 'suay' thing for me.. like they say.. perhaps a blessings in disguise.. but i dun wan my blessing to disguise as anythin anymore.. i just want him to be real.. for real real.. k.. postponed on that one..

i wish sometimes that what i'm feeling aint true.. like they say we can control what we think and we can think what we want. so if ya asking me what i really think of my life.. despite all the miserable times i had been.. i am loving it still.. k, unfortunately there's still love in me.. haiz.. can it like end, God?.. k maybe You know how bad i can be without love.. how merciless, cruel beast i can be.. but then again.. i'm human ya see.. and i am me.. and i'm loving it!..

I love the life that i have.. even thou being dumped twice and dumped others 3 times.. k.. maybe juz gotta learn to stop dump-ing things around and start appreciating life..
well.. of coz the roller-coaster rides of life makes me puke, cry, faint and even die (for awhile..) but then i'm still stuck in the chair and 'enjoying' the ride.. something i can never be able to run away from - Life..

Life is a package we automatically enrolled with lessons of life..
Lesson on love.. it's never a re-run.. maybe some are quite a like.. but each and every one, every day, every moment is a new thing to me.. it gives and makes me learn different kinds of things.
In fact i was thinking of how to change my life.. but guess i was all wrong.. life had been giving the best lessons for me to counter on.. and for that.. i can never deny that my heart still beats for him.
Hey come on! I prayed day and night, telling God, 'Hey if this ain't for real, just trash this feeling off like what i can do' - which i know how capable i am with break-ups.. but this is one long suffering one.. i'm not sure what God's gonna test me more on this time.. well, aint blaming God.. but oh God.. please save me!... hehehehe..
I guess after all the turmoils, hearbreaks and teary times.. God had blessed me with one thing.. Love.. to love my heart out for someone and .. of coz that kindda love is never meant to be return.. how can someone return love? giving back all the gifts, cards, ring bands?.. we can never return but always receive.. thus to receive, we give.. it's not some investment kindda thing where i can get 24% installment profits.. that's bank! not Love!.. if you wanna really calculate.. it's simply beyond measures.. and that's why you get high on love.. being in Cloud 9.. 10.. 11.. infinity!.. love energy just boosts your life up..
i'm saying all this not coz i'm outta love.. maye i wished i was.. but since i'm blessed with it.. cna say that i'm in love.. in love with love.. loving my dear love.. one which i breath, shit and die with.. hehe.. i juz wanna keep this 'love' feeling in me.. and for that i have to perform a ritual.. - acceptance.. like those ol people say, if you love them, you let them go.. err.. but then right.. like i said, love don't return.. so how to juz keep them? well, keep giving them then!
and i know no one would love him as great as how much i love him.. and no one would love him any much less nor more.. its just love.. and i'm letting God, fate, love move the flow of ma life now.. and i accept the fact that i had moved on.. moving on and loving him still.. i still work.. i still eat.. i still do things.. in fact more things.. i am moving on.. and i still love him.

i miss the butterflies you made me have each time being with you..
bring those butterflies along the next time we meet and take my breath away..
for my all i give to you.. my heart.. and perhaps.. my soul too.. - for i vow to live with you..
just love me like there's no boundaries.. block away those fears out from your heart and just love me like you never do.. like you always do.. like you will do..

baked like salmon

2009-01-17T03:50:00.000-08:00

that's how my skin tone is now.. hehe.. after for so so long.. finally i had my day at the pool.. and my face now is starting to react after the great exposure i had .. hehe.. and no doubt that my body's aching.. guess i have to make a routine.. maybe once or twice a month i should play in water... hehe..
well.. guess that would be a start to a new lifestyle.. hehe.. next, maybe wanna go for badminton or probably cycling.. or if better still, i could buy a bike.. no no not a motorcycle - no license yet.. but if i were to buy one.. that means i have to buy another for sis.. aiyah.. hmm.. one mountain bike would cost about 100.. hmm. guess i've to put aside for that.. and hopefully mum would allow to have space for 2 bikes.. hehe..
well.. that's life gonna be like for me then.. i have to keep myself well occupied.. like the other day.. was very much in bad mood coz i've to spend all home alone.. well i cant deny that i cant live well all alone.. guess since a kid, i'm just so tired of being all alone.. and i dun wanna do things not right either.. i wanna be back happy and be sociable. but i'm afraid for whatever i had gone thru then.. i admit that i'm afraid of going thru what i had been .. it began sweet but then terribly bitter later.. but the life's a cycle and there's no way for such sweet escape..
i just hope that i could go thru life whatever may come.. Insya-Allah..
now watching the news and saw Charchos.. seems like the meal from Seoul Garden ain't fillin my stomach and heart.. hehe..
heart's empty now.. so what's next?..

My Queen.. My Wife.. My Love..

2009-01-15T20:49:00.000-08:00

K.. i'm in a very touchy mood now.. juz watched the movie 300.. again.. and i'm never bored and tired of the movie.. coz it is always so full of energy.. it makes my heart grow strong and yet soft..
and Gerald Butler really makes my heart melts.. not coz of his super 8 abs pacs.. but the role that he's playing.. the character that the person have.. an aggressive person.. a positive smart King.. a kind loving husband..
my eyes shed tears every time at the ending where he calls out ' My Queen, My Wife.. My Love..'.. aawwww.. that's so touching!.. wish i ever could have someone to call out for me like that.. well i did to others.. but usually they turned deaf by then or simply there's just no reception signals..

yesterday since it was my 1st off after the workathlon.. went to C.P. to have lunch at Siam Kitchen - mum's fave.. went wif mum n sis.. den bought each of us a set of nice Hush Puppies.. hehe.. well.. at least i already have Levi's.. so now wanna try Hush Puppies.. see how's the material like.. and oh yah.. now they are having the 'Buy 3 get 1 free' for most of the top items.. but find it a bit too many.. unless it's like a buy 1 get 1 free, maybe i'd bought if right away..

anyways.. went for a brief 'prawning' session wif sis.. was fun.. caught and ate only one prawn so far.. and missed quite a lot.. they just love to eat my bait.. but not get hooked.. guess it just reflects my personal life too.. even the prawns dun like me.. hehe.. tot of going again today.. but no one to accompany.. :-( end up always me being all alone.. sad ah..

tomorrow gonna visit a "baby shower".. guess my life is always around with men.. and they are so super CUTE!.. wonder when will i ever have mine.. k not again! *BEEEP!* delete that part..
now gonna lay back and watch Constantine.. My "beloved" ~ Keanu Reeves.. ala.. who else can i have?.. like as if i have anyone.. and not as if i'm like washing eyes to some other guys.. at most Keanu Reeves.. or else Gerald Butler.. or not none other - my dad!.. or if not.. the forbidden one.. well.. the only place where i could look at would be the private photos.. and all i could have are juz some memories.. memories that never seems to fade.. oh well.. i juz hope things will get better.. and i could move on just like how it is expected..

10 days work-athlon over ~ Yeah!

2009-01-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

after 10 days of dragging feet to work.. i finally got my rest.. and its gonna be a long weekend break before my next workathlon.. and the best part was that, just as when i was thinking of having a real long deep sleep and waking up late today, i end up waking up as per normal.. tried to sleep back but cant .. guess already 'immune' to have the rush hours after those long working days..
even thou i'm up.. but my brain's pretty drained and dead.. sorry if i'm crapping here..
now my feet's like peeling and .. i dunno how to describe it but it's a turning pretty bad and coarse.. guess i need to buy foot soak and creams.. oh boy.. its really that bad.. never had this kindda prob b4.. but i guess this is the 'side-effects' of the workathlon.. hehehe..
k la.. now wanna finish up my chores.. gonna go out wif my mum n sis.. our gals day out.. hehe..
not sure where we'd be going.. just hope whatever it is, we have a good day out for a good retreat :) - - well sis had her retreat oredi over the past few days.. she'd been off from work for some time.. haiz.. just hope we could get a good job that we could excel in and perform well.. by the way.. the ads for the DPI in the papers kindda 'calling' me.. i dunno if i could really commit for the classes.. oh God.. help me please.. if this is Your calling.. do gimme a bigger clearer sign.. and please gimme the strength to go thru it all.. and ease my way thru all the obstacles You've given me.. Amin..

8th Work-athlon day..

2009-01-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

8th day of work.. now i'm feeling like a work-athlon athlete..
dun feel like goin to work.. n now end up being at work, feeling bad and lousy..
didnt even get a good morning to start up with.. stepped out of home feeling miserable, knowing a war-fare going on.. sorry mum, dad.. didnt mean to walked out just like that.. but i dun see much good coming if i say i'm off to work in that manner..
of all the bad things happening to me.. i realised one thing.. i no longer hide in da cupboard! - just like how i used to when i was young.. or maybe i need a bigger wardrobe to hide.. but then again.. i dun see a need to hide anymore.. i just feel like even walking thru the fire is a bullshit..
maybe i finally grown up.. or maybe i finally see that there's no use of hiding coz even if people can trace us, God will and problems will forever grab hold on us.. there's no sweet escape..
even if we ever think we did escaped, but neh.. not really.. wait for tomorrow and the similar problems keep popping till you fix it.
and now my life needs a lift.. needs to be fixed.. i had no one to turn to.. so i am left with me.. the lonely me to shop with, to talk to, to eat with, to console to, to date with, to rely on..
me.. me.. just me.. i dunno.. was thinking of going for a lil window shopping stroll at amk or toa payoh.. or bishan maybe or even perhaps C.P. after work.. i haven stepped C.P. for a some long time now.. well i assume nothing changes.. strange it is that it's near to hm but rarely steps there - coz there's no more purpose of going there..
oh well.. that's the new year.. what a great year to start with - Ignorance.. i hear to evil.. see no evil.. say no evil.. but again, oh well! i'm evil!..

People don't vanish, it's a molecular impossibility.

2009-01-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

well that's quite a quote.. but then again.. some people can leave without a trace..
how i wish i can go traceless, which means i would have to give up my blogging and all net activities.. hmm.. that's one thing i am not sure how well i can arrange that..

i dunno how to live with a lie.. i juz dunno how to live by avoiding issues..
i duno how to keep pretending.. i'm tired.. i'm exhausted.. i juz wanna blow up and get things over and done with..

I'm wrong all the time. It's how I get to right.

The Runaway..

2009-01-10T23:09:00.000-08:00

"I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me" ~ The Runaway Bride.
well.. i have a runaway "groom"..

Was having lunch while watching the Runaway Bride.. well.. at least there's a happy ending..
and how i wish i could roll over on bed now to relief this cramps or going out with mum and sis, maybe go for a brief grocery shopping and maybe a treat dinner.. oh God.. i wanna rest this back and just wanna sleep away to juz forget all the nightmares i have in my head.. i'm not even patched up inside nor even outside.. i just wanna forget this whole thing.. it's nothing to be 'point and blame' kindda game.. God.. when are you gonna grant this wish of mine..? delete all these crap outta me..

what matters

2009-01-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

k.. today's the 7th day in a row work.. and i am not so not in da mood.. with this cramps.. oh dear.. God save me... *yawnz.. anyways.. was browsing thru da papers.. saw the ads on dip. offered from andalus/cordova.. well, thought of enolling for it.. but i have to commit my weekends for it.. and looking at myself over these 2 days.. i guess my life is gonna be this awful.. i wanna take a good break.. but i just dunno how to relieve myself from all these tensions..
i hate to lie even to myself.. i dun wanna lie to live and move on with my daily life.. pretending everything's gonna be okay.. things are not okay and ignoring it is not totally okay.. but then again.. what else can i do..? it's not only about my life.. it involves someone else.. who's now turned 'dead'.. choose to live better off by shying life away from things that matters to be faced.. k.. maybe i never am a matter.. and it's hard to accept that all i had living with was a lie.. the one i had been being with all through these times was juz a lie.. a mirage maybe.. no wonder i felt like it's 'too good to be true' when i get to have him close to me..
i dun deny that i hate it when i smell his perfume coz it reminds me so much of him who deserted me.. oh God.. hate it when i came across with places that reminds me of all those memories with him.. in fact i had lived my life well with him, going to every places that i like or ever been.. i hate it coz i am still .. yeah.. watever.. why should it ever matter coz i never am any of a matter..?
-- coz this is me.. i have every right to be very upset over it all.. and .. i admit.. i was having my hopes high up on him.. thinking he's the one.. but then he never was.. he never did.. never once..? perhaps.. selfish he had been.. talked so much about being open and honest in a relationship.. but i guess he never did.. i was all open to him and yet he left me, shutting the door right behind him and walked away.. wow.. that's so much of getting from being honest and coming clean.. i dunno.. how long this misery gonna end..
time for lunch.. i know i'm already upset.. but better not getting my stomach upset.. till then..
~ munch all my heart out to fill this empty heart..

The Truth

2009-01-10T01:14:00.001-08:00

Two steps removed from every thing I thought I knew
There's no remedy
I see your face in every single thing I do
You change me
Your laugh intoxicating
One touch and I'm negating everything around
Take me and I'm yours
I only want you anymore
I kiss the ground

If you want to know the truth,
You make or break my day
If you want to know the truth
I wouldn't have it any other way

I rest my head from running circles 'round my mind
On why you let go
No answers to be found, romances don't rewind
I guess I'll never know
Why your absence is devastating
No touch to calm my hating everyone around
You leave me when I'm yours
'cause you don't want me anymore
I hit the ground, yeah

If you want to know the truth,
You make or break my day
If you want to know the truth
I wouldn't have it any other way

All I Really Need Is You

2009-01-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

After all these years
After all these tears between us
Still I couldn't find
Someone half as right as you

And each time I stop to think
What it is I really need

Heres what I conclude
All I really need is you

Just say what you want to say
You don't have a chance in the world
Can I, knowing how I've tried
Still come close to losing you
Have I spent so many nights
Trying but in vain to tell you
Don't you know it's true
All I really need is you

home-work..

2009-01-09T23:52:00.000-08:00

sitting on ma lazy chair with layers of soft hin cushions on my back and one right on top on my lap, to keep the heat seeps thru my thighs.. i'm typing my blog in ma living room now, yup all alone like always.. like any other weekends.. but today.. a bit different.. coz i'm working straight 7 days a week now..
gulping down my carrot juice and have it placed right next to me, i am working on this 'beauiful' Saturday, home alone, working alone.. and with spinning headache plus bleeding nose.. how efficient life can be.. if ya say you're bz.. i'm damn much more.. and working 12 hours straight thru da week.. so dun bullshit me for not having time for this and that.. blablabla.. oh what an excuse!..
last night, juz as when i was thinking of having a good night rest, since i guess i am already infected by the viral flu spreading in da office, mum awaken me juz right before i stepped into my dreams.. she was throwing up in da midde of the night, and that snaps my sleepy head up awake.. before i could even think of getting back to bed, made her a warm cup of milo and a few slices of bread.. guess she might had some indigestion or something.. got her my pill for vomitting and abdominal cure.. and tried to get to bed.. well of course, some people's ignorance really irritates me, but guess it's not just time yet to whack off their heads.. cant really sleep until i keep getting up to check on my mum, who was resting then on the living room sofa. guess as i was too tired, sick and irritated by someone's act of ignorance, i soon fall asleep, the moment i was awaken, quickly asked for my mum, and yah.. she's off to work.. guess she's ok then.. maybe coz she had not been eating right over the weeks, so guess her health is on-off on toll..
oh well.. wonder if life's gonna be this way for me.. wow.. its either a 10 hours on 7 days straight or over 12 hours of work.. damn my bum gonna hurt!.. already having splitting headaches.. just hope i ain' falling sick or else.. guess ma boss gonna double whallopping me..

Dingin

2009-01-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Dingin malam yang menyelubungi hening sayu dalam hati berbicara bersendirian
Ku rasa resah selama dibuai rindu pada cinta yang terlalu terpendam di dalam hayalan
Kan ku leraikan impian indah kepada-Nya ku berserah mungkin tak daya ku tawan cinta yang sama

Dinginnya getaran asmara sentuhan mula bermadah ku tak bisa juarai jiwa yang ku tak punya
Dinginnya bila kau berkata ruang buat ku tiada
Memoriku gengamilah biarkan aku beralah

Dalam hatiku tiada dendam walau impian semalam masih mekar dalam ingatan
Kan ku leraikan impian indah kepada-Nya ku berserah
Mungkin tak daya tawan cinta yang sama

Bleeding Love

2009-01-08T21:13:00.001-08:00

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, baby, baby

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing (ooh)
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding

The Game of Love

2009-01-07T02:37:00.000-08:00

"he loves me (then), he loves me not (now)"

life is unpredictable.. just like people who can change in a split second..
love - 4 words.. which i'm shredding out of my dictionary
despite my dreadful love stories, i'm still happy for those who embraced their love to the peaks of engagements and committing their life and love with marriage..
my wishes had always been prayers of good.. but somehow my presence always seems to be otherwise to some..
till then.. love.. begin begone bygone

The Latest addition

2009-01-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

Welcoming Khairul Eirfan to the world!..
that's the latest addition to the extended family tree.. woah.. now i guess i might be too old to be called 'kakak'.. guess i have to admit myself that i'm too 'overgrown' for that "status".. 'Auntie'... hmm.. well at least better than a grandma!!

Just came back home from visiting ma cuzz at east and then head over to west.. from one end to the other.. haiz.. but he's sure so cute!!.. alamak! forgot to take his pix.. plus ma cuz is asleep.. must ask permission first thou :-/ never mind.. maybe next time can.. :D
his eyes are so small.. and his nose so cute.. hidung kecik2 da tercatuk!.. haiz.. wonder when and if ever will i have my very own.. oh well.. *peeet* delete that part off..

anyways.. tomorrow juz really dun feel like in da mood to go to the office.. what makes me hate da job most is to work with a *toot* *toot*... sigh.. juz hope he won't be such a *toot* tomorrow.. k lah.. now gotta pack ma stuff.. all the best for monday.. and the rest of the weekday.. may i won't die at work.. especially on the 1st weekday of the new year.. sianz..

Rottening..

2009-01-03T02:33:00.000-08:00

oh dear.. i juz dun feel like doing anything.. thinking of having a real vacation.. but then what's a vacation to be all alone.. hmm.. i just hope by the end of next year i can have a real gd vacation.. anyways.. finding the job is really tough indeed.. i dunno what i really wanna do now.. seems like all giving me such a road blocks..
anyways.. was thinking if i should get a cable tv to fill ma time.. hmm.. but then unless i could make it a share deal.. perhaps i could.. anyways.. i've yet to make my accounts plans.. need to put aside for ma education scheme, insurance, bills, and more bills.. hmm.. :-/ plus even if i were to sign up for the cable tv.. i dunno if i got time to even watch it!..
spending about 10 - 12 hours at work.. 3 hours to travel to and from work.. spending 1 hour to do my self cleaning.. 1 hour to have my meals.. 2 hours to do my laundry & chores.. 1 hour to prepare my stuffs for next day.. and leaving 6 hours of rest & sleep.. tu pun provided if my eyes can tahan to watch tv and all..
and thinking of all these.. i wonder if i have enough time for anything else.. better hope not.. and hope i won't rot so soon with such a bore life.. ahakz..
k la.. now i wanna rot myself away for at least another day.. before monday blues strikes again.. guess when comes to work.. it's not only on mondays.. but every weekday is so black and blue..

Only Hope..

2009-01-02T07:31:00.001-08:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T00:35:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2009!
Salam Maal Hijrah 1430!

I've not yet finish drafting of my new year resolution.. honestly i am not so ready to welcome the new year, but hey! it's already here!.. :D
I'm now blogging while watching Kerana Cintaku Saerah.. yes i know it's an old drama.. but then again. it's one drama where we can learn very much from it. The few things we could learn from is about
1) the true meaning of happiness..
- its not measured of one's wealth or status..
it's simply juz appreciating what we have here with us..
2) the true to meaning of love..
- like happiness, love cannot be bought or sold.. it is that priceless.. but yet somehow some may think it's worthless..
we can never treasure love the way others do coz love falls differently for different people.. it depends on how some sees it as.. it may appears to be pure or even sinful..
but i believe thou, despite all that i had witness of, i still do believe love is pure.. maybe even holy.. coz even our beloved Prophet is a very loving and caring person.. he never hates anyone even if it were to be someone who do not have the same beliefs in faith as him..
if only there's someone like him.. but neh.. it's hard to even to find anyone who's such close to his character.. a true gentleman.. kind but yet firm..
3) the truth about life..
- the fact that it is either people take advantage of us or we take advantage of people and things..
it may seems like life's a game.. a foul play indeed..
but i hate playing any games in life.. that's why i do take things if not quite seriously.. serious enough that i even dare to dream far and work hard towards my goals.. letting it not juz a dream.. but i guess some things are left to be just a dream.. coz there's no way we can force others to do or think like us.. but what's left is only hope.. hope that things will get better for ourselves at the very least..

for this new year.. all i could hope and pray for is that i'll work hard and smart and succeed. Just like always :) May Allah bless me and family with good health, happiness, wealth, love and all good things on earth.